Complex

“‘Letting go’ is a farce. We don't "let things go." Humans don't work that way. When we try, and fail, we beat ourselves up for not "letting go" - fast enough, often enough, whatever enough. I pray and work for ease, strength, resilience, less pain, feeling better, a good moment, breath, and community to support this process.” - Heidi Lopez
 

This isn’t an episode of Black Mirror. The current state of the United States of America is something that has been a long time coming. We only elected someone who is actually following up on some of our worst fears and confirming that the illusion of “America” has been exposed. But those same nightmares are some folks’ dreams and some people saw through the smoke a long time ago. Either way – we are all here in this moment wondering, where do we begin now? I’m often struggling with the idea of who I was a few years ago, who would have been at as many demonstrations as possible versus honoring the space that I am in right now. Everyone has a role to play in this battle to 2020. But how to sustain ourselves when every day we are hit with another foreign policy that sounds like a horrible joke, something out of the Holocaust, or from 1984? What do I say to folks who are restless and angry? Or do I need to say nothing and just hold them down in a way that validates all that they’re feeling?

This is a reality that we are all navigating, but do not have to accept quietly. For women that are told that they are too much: times like these require that we’re too much. To be abundant with our love, our dedication and resilience that is carried in DNA.

 

Too deep.

Too real.

Too exposed.

Too melaninated.

Too complicated.

 

That’s how we have survived in the past. This is one of the many ways that will survive this present moment. There’s a level of respect that has come to me with the amount of pain that is present in the world right now. This pain has given me a new level of understanding of the importance of radial vulnerability and softness – but also self defense by any means. So when I see my folks learning how to arm themselves – whether it be in mind through writing and thought, embodied through going to the gun range or a martial arts class, or by connecting with their Ancestors and Spirit – I’m immediately affirmed that this too shall pass. Because we are too much.

 

Too loved.

Too grateful.

Too radical.

Too protected.

Too unapologetic.



God complex.

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