that’s how intimidating he said i was
on the first date
was that a mistake?
i can’t tell whether i should be proud
of the scale or be ashamed
even when i know there’s no shame in his game
so i just laugh and say really?
and ask why
i never really got a straight answer
at least i thought so
that’s not how the story is
supposed to go
all ways

but i remember the subtleties
of what he did ask and notice
all aspects of my frame
and even the ones i thought folks couldn’t see
how apparently women with their father’s eyes are trouble
and with my mother’s everything
but the joker smile makes it double
which is ill because that’s how she describes it
and here’s someone using that same term
but i wish i had my mother’s confidence
maybe its her Sag moon
that intimidates my Aqua moon
but I can’t flirt for shit
i just seem to have an
on and off switch
and bless the heart of anyone
that is patient enough to let me figure it out
to let me take my own guards down
as opposed to just trying to scale around

because this literally only just started
this unearthing
this shedding
this prayer
this litany
all hail Jupiter in Scorpio
cause yo
it’s about to be in the depths
for a minute
and this time by a minute i mean a year
so much has changed and as i think of growth
i think of my crown
how it’s shaped
how it’s got a mind of its own
how it like being left alone
but i got at least a year’s worth of growth cut off
and i wonder what will be the outcome
of said release

i don’t have the best track record when writing about love
but i’m starting to unpack that
trying to pack light so i can land back on my feet
a little faster than the last time
because that was some shit
and i’m still recovering

but i know enough about myself now to know what isn’t enough
for me anymore
it’s not sufficient enough for me to capture
what no longer serves me
it is required of me to name and claim what i want
so seven is right
i’ve learned seen and done so much
and anyone who wants to know
me deeply has to embrace that
if they don’t, that is not my task 

i have to be careful with words
i need to name what i want
i am my everything from day one
i will not always get everything right
my spells are to be reckoned with
but i have to embody this first
before i can truly share them meaningfully

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