Toltec


Venus entered Scorpio almost a week ago (when I started weaving together these words) after an influencing the light show that was the Full Moon in Taurus. And what a show it's been. 

The nights are growing longer and I’m ready to dig into the worlds underneath. Maybe I have this attitude having been born on the shortest day of the year. The longest stretch of night on this small part of the globe. Maybe I’m naming my demons and shadows and getting to know them, when to feed them, and how to step away from them when necessary so that darkness doesn’t swallow me whole without my consent. 

But to be completely honest, sometimes I fear that the folks that get drawn to my orbit and that I am in community with won’t understand this. This innate duality that I have been toiling away at and getting to know as intimately as I would with a lover. Because you can’t get used to my energy or the feeling it inspires and not know how to inspire your own. Because I can’t keep allowing the potential of folks to cloud the realities that the reflections show in spite of the masks. Because no matter how much compassion I wield when I come through with something to share a truth, a love, or experience, with someone I feel for; there can be an incomplete download. And this is okay. 

Loved ones keep trying to remind that just because something may come naturally to me or not be scary, incites all kinds of fear in others. They also remind me that this can also incite envy. Not the overt, explicit and coming right out with it, but coming in words laced with pain, that illuminate words and feelings said in the dark. Feelings and words that have not been fully healed. 

I stop sometimes and wonder why this happens, especially amongst movement folks, and I’ve paused to consider if there’s a connection between this fear of the dark with the dismissal of arts and healing being just as valid as being angry and carrying signs. Of having a constant stream of actions for the dead. Or being for possessing righteous rage at the current political situation that we brought on ourselves. 

I don’t know when it exactly happened, but the gaps between healing arts and social justice work are rapidly expanding and contracting. As if this moment is on the verge of birthing a whole other experience and life. That duality. The pains and pleasures that we experience in the day to day experience and the ones that we sense happening on a grander scale. I believe that for all of us who are privileged to witness this moment, especially folks who consider themselves healers, are about to learn a beautiful lesson on how to submerge ourselves in tension. 

That tension has popped up in how I define myself. When asked, I used to say no, but I’m realizing that I am actually a healing artist because my words and my rituals have helped me mend heartbreaks that I didn’t realize were happening. To help me discern if I truly longed for something or was actually reminiscing about something that had never unfolded. Recalibrating antenna rewiring cells so that I can ensure that those who come after me carry my resiliency. A Toltec. An Amazon. An oracle. 

For the past twenty six weeks, I’ve been an artist who’s tended to her own wounds. Her own shadows. Her own power. Clipping the dead ends of my hair as well as clearing dead ends in the orbit. Now as the daylight wanes and the cosmo features Scorpio season, with Jupiter in Scorpio and Saturn Sagittarius comes to a close, a lot of us are feeling exposed. As if all the skeletons and things that we have laid to rest have reset and risen again to remind us that our work to heal ourselves is never done. That we are our own greatest project. Our most powerful source of inspiration. Yet we forget that the shadow work we’ve done - or haven’t done - will be illuminated during this time of year (and year long) no matter what. No matter how much we can dissociate. No matter how much we run. No matter how many mirrors we break. No matter how many false prophets we endorse. 

Leaning into this fear and growing with my own nature, and digging into my Sun and Lilith in Sagittarius, has kept me warm as this cosmic climate dips. It presents me with new lessons and experiences with people whose eyes give away more than my own, simply to remind that it is okay to be my full and authentically transparent self.   

The time to be small or to be dismissive of what I can share is a kin to the same gaps I’ve named in the movement scene. I am the best canvas I will ever get and I have to use it. To not step out and claim my victories is to push aside my radiance. 

Welcome to the convergence. 
 


“can’t you feel it? somewhere in your lineage is peace, pleasure, dance, love. is justice, is freedom, is how to be on this planet, is love. it might be behind or ahead of you, but there is a lesson we need that only you can touch.

death too is a flow, even if it goes where we cannot see. but you, reading this, you are not dead yet. you are here with a million choices.” - adrienne maree brown, channeling


“You are at a point in your growth cycle that confirms the efforts that you’ve made to define yourself for yourself, so any nods of approval you receive are much deserved. This week celebrates the successes that you have had in doing the hardest work possible: separating yourself from what was keeping you confined. Unable to grow into your responsibilities. Unable to mature into your own great masterpiece.


Accepting the task of becoming means letting go of all that gets in our way of it” - Chani Nicholas, Sagittarius horoscope for the week of November 6th


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