Beam

Here I go writing on the eves of Full Moons again. Maybe this needs to be a ritual. And by maybe it definitely will be because Gemini season is off to one hell of a start. It’s the second day of June and there have been so many reminders of the duality that most folks associate with Gemini. Often thought of as being two-faced in a negative or a spiteful way, Gemini season has quickly reminded me of the other aspects of myself. I came through on the other end of the wheel, at the 11th hour of Sagittarius season on the Winter Solstice.

I speak of cycles because we’re almost at the edge of the Summer Solstice and I’m looking around wondering where the first half of 2017 went. Wondering if it was so intense and unapologetically transformative that I forgot to smell the orchids (because those are my favorites). That I forgot to breathe. Which isn’t really anything new because I get reminded of it constantly during movement classes. One of the lessons of this cycle has been just that, the power of the cycle itself. It’s been said several times by folks with a lot more wisdom than me that if something continues to pop in your life, you either haven’t learned from the lesson or there’s still a piece that you need to understand.

In this case, it’s not only that I need to understand myself through deliberate pauses, I need to stand under. Stand under the idea that I have to be afraid of myself or my own potential, because I definitely wrote/experienced/lived/loved through that lesson already. Right? Right.

Light beam. Flash ripping the sky. Like Oya casting down a lightning bolt. In my seven years of living in Harlem, I’ve seen insects but I had never seen a ladybug. My earliest memories of ladybugs are from when I could barely walk and lived on the other side of an ocean, in a part of Germany where everyone spoke English. Living on the Army base I realize now is a part of the reason why I’m so close with my mother, as we spent countless hours together, where she watched me play in the sandbox under these trees that felt huge. Giant trees that had these little ladies crawling all over them, and then crawling on me.

A ladybug decided to follow the light in my bedroom. I heard it’s lovetap, and immediately passed it off for being a common house fly. I was wrong. Gratefully so. I yelled to my roommate, “Uhh there’s a ladybug in my room?!” which was met with her mamita voice loudly saying “Look up the spiritual significance of that NOW!”

This lead to me doing a quick Google search, which yielded that ladybugs are symbols of luck. I also read that that they can be reminders to “let things flow at their natural pace” which was definitely true in my case but still caused me to laugh fully. But then I was reminded in real life that ladybugs can also be representative of grandmothers. With that quick beam of information - I realized that the timing of the first ladybug I had spotted indoors in Harlem was not only a symbol of it being time for me to move on, but also a message that I absolutely can and will. Harlem has been my escape for these past seven rotations. A particularly set space that has greatly shaped my identity as a Black woman. I’ve been in love a few times over here. I learned and grew in formal and informal spaces of education. But I’ve also lost a lot here. And that is okay.

The loss that the messenger reminded me of was an ancestor I had just gained. Which I didn’t realize was a part of the reason why I was hesitant to move in the cypher on Wednesday.  But the nature of this lesson is that I have sat in this same space, and in between space, being afraid of my own power after sensing a relative, a woman, became an ancestor. I’ve talked to the same members of my tribe and was able to quickly decipher the new nuance of the lesson this go-round. That I need to stand under my own doubts and trust that this move will be everything I need it to be and then some because I am wholeheartedly worthy of the experience. Even if that means I need to cross my own universe and use the lessons I’ve already learned to navigate the ones to be (un)learned.

Beam me Scotty.

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When the High Priestess appears in reverse, it is time to stop the world around you from spinning and take some real time to be alone and reconnect with your Higher Self, your intuition, your spirit. Have you disconnected from who you truly are? Are you in a job or a relationship or a friendship that does not align with your core values and beliefs? Do you know what your core values and beliefs are? What do you stand for and do your thoughts, actions and speech match that? June's theme is to take time out and be by yourself so that you can answer these questions to make sure you are in alignment with your higher purpose. Over the next few days, reflect, meditate, and journal about where you are currently and where you would like to be in these seven core areas of your life: career, finances, physical and emotional health, spirituality, family, social circle, and mental/intellectual processing. Be honest with yourself and allow the answers to stream into your consciousness. Some answers may surprise you and some may not. Either way, have fun with this. You deserve to live your best life and by connecting to your higher power and identifying where you are in these seven areas of your life and where you would like to be, you begin to create a roadmap to manifesting your greatest dreams! So, dream big. The time really is now because the world is truly yours!

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